Im well aware of that risk. And then they get all pissy because the girl is taken aback by being asked out so abruptly by this guy about whom she knows pretty much nothing except his appearance. Hence the claim some of your time, or even the if youre available as a way to say, you have to have solid plans if youre going to tell me no; you cant just say you dont want to do it.. Whaaaaaat. Theyre expecting to hear seeing a movie and doing some yardwork, not reciting my social security number out loud while treating my intimate medical issues or anything else not normally shared with a crowd. B: Cool. I can see how doing anything on thee weekend is small talk, but that would only count if the person is someone you are not on visiting terms with, like most of my colleagues. Good to know! Why, whats up?, Yessss exactly. I sympathize with their reasons for having trouble planning, but I also do find it a little irksome that they only initiate actual plans once a year for their birthday while still making all the sounds about wanting to hang out. But it is a cost. I think people use that particular question instead of asking outright so they can feel out whether the person has any plans or our open to hanging out before they ask them to commit to a specific thing. It's nice that they want to know about your plans, but their curiosity can feel more like an interrogation. Im thinking the letter we had a while back with mandatory no premade food potlucks is a glaring example of a culture that needs changed, but I would also like to see room in the workplace for people who are good at their work but are reserved/private/not interested in relationships with their coworkers outside of work. Opposite of what I want . So, sometimes it is a trap! I am admittedly very sensitive to potential power issues, so I have a hard time seeing when theyre really there and when Im just reacting as though they are. The most generic reply to a compliment is always going to be "thank you". I am definitely not math or sciencey, just like my me time, so that wouldnt have occurred to me. So mostly I just want the question to go away lol, but since, as the Captain said, thats not likely to happen any time soon, I thought Id try to learn some better ways to navigate it, and again, all of your responses have been extremely helpful! I have done that just doing errands/washing the car/housekeeping/taxes/library/walking the dog you? and still gotten a but are you doing anything FUN follow-up question(s). Thats kind of taking it 4 out of context to say they dont understand. - Anthony Burgess - Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week. It sounds like he'd get into some fun and adventurous dates. I might even be more direct My kids and I need the walk to school for ourselves. I probably picked it up from my mom, who does the same thing. I don't know, you tell me. Baking a cake. This is such a common question, and I have a memory like a sieve, and once or twice replied Nothing much and accepted invitations which ended up double booking myself. Now shes supposed to go on a date with me if I ask for one!. So the correct answer is, "I'm hanging out with you." Most of the time, that's the right answer. So the LWs anger at nosy questions is more than justified. (Full disclosure: Whole in-law family are control freaks and this type of thing IS a setup with them. It avoids (in their mind) making the person feel pressured to commit if they dont actually want to. I recognize that the question can DEFINITELY be used to intentionally or unconsciously other people, Her problem with it seemed more about having to answer it ALL the time than any implied racism or xenophobia. (Like the How are you? inquiries) Flying in a rocket ship. By mentioning the weekend, it ' s a great segue to ask them what they ' re doing. I like to respond with Doing nothing. Situation #4: You have to say "no.". Mentioning your actual plans is one. If they mean well then they will try to stop when you explain that you prefer to be asked directly. But different cultural norms! People hinting around leading up to asking for dates: Pretty much the same deal, only much more dangerous. A party people pop quiz so to speak. Since "doing" is an action verb, we need to use the adverb "well" to describe that action. I automatically ask this without thinking about it pretty often. No matter how old you are, you don't want to be badgered about your life choices. (Whether there will be some negative family fallback I dont know). Nothing much? and Im like yup! Sometimes we have plans that I can adjust if there is something she wants to do. I have a rule of thumb for stuff like this, which is sometimes with a passive aggressive person, I just aggressively pretend they asked me a direct question or made a direct statement, and will respond as though they did. Yeah Im keen., I honestly never get asked this question as anything other than innocuous small talk. 200 Best Sarcastic Quotes and Funny Sarcasm Sayings - Parade I ask that question so I wont impose myself on someone by asking them to do something if they already have plans. And Im feeling like, right, not only do I not know how to negotiate this myself, I also dont know what to tell my kid to say in this situation. Oh, theyre going to the movies on Saturday? Just wow. If you have plans, just say so. How about you? That is AMAZING and I love Gladys (and you) and that is going directly into my repertoire for Dealing With Those Extroverts. Which is odd, because if anyone has an aura of genius around them, she does. I really wish I had some better scripts to deal with this stuff how do I limit our contact with her to a level where the kids and I are still happy to see her, without pissing her off? And I try to be easier on myself for not having more exciting weekend plans. How am I right now? I think it goes back to the same annoyng assumption there are people who assume your time is theirs. My mom recently moved from but why? to Ok, I guess you dont love me which is actually a sign things are going my way because its not a direct question. Reading, learning, documentaries, podcasts, etc. Its mostly me trying to figure out a friends general level of free time and not impose if theyre busy or dealing with a crisis. There are variants but this one is always appropriate in all situations. And because family members pitch in. I get that youre saying you dont do this often and you see it as a minor part of your relationship. If you want! When she asks me what Im doing on a particular day, I just say Im not sure or I need to check my calendar until she tells me what she wants. You? and see if he gets stuck in a loop. Sometimes friends do tell me theyre free, but if I suggest something, they might still say nah, not what I want to do this weekend and thats fine as well! Here are some days you can disappointedly shake your head at and postpone the event until some hazy future date when a Wednesday sees you free. If anyone else runs into this, Im not free on Saturday, so Ill see you some other time! is a perfectly polite and respectful response. (This could be walked back but it would require a decent amount of active displays of interest in me from the other person.). Thats the way to go. 3. Thank you. 2. This is just a funny response to give because it is the opposite of what they had asked just you. Try a Humorous Reply when Someone Asks "How Are You?" - All Women's Talk Is this just aimless small-talk? Leisure time is notI give up my leisure time to hem her pants or help her move back from college or make her dinner. In this case it has the added benefit of short-circuiting the waiting for you to say nothing so I can guilt you into babysitting gambit. My belief is that its easier to layer politeness onto a firm foundation of self-aware no than it is to find no after being trained to be obliging. ' If you ' re studying, doing homework or anything else you deem daunting, this is a great text to send your crush. Im much better at saying no now, and I realize that in most situations saying no is a perfectly socially acceptable answer. But why would you feel entitled to her time to help with party favors for a party youre throwing? Instead, choose from these five replies. Look who is talking. This is a great one because it invites the other person to tell you something that they want to share. The first time I heard this, I wondered who opened my brain while I was sleeping and pulled the song out and put it in a movie soundtrack. Because this is very much a dumb conversation filler question and its not going to go away anytime soon. You may also eagerly seize on these options and/or provide some of your own., (2) Hey, Im looking for someone to cat-sit while Im out of town for the next three months. Born and raised in the US, and I also think this is a weird question not to answer literally. men. "I'll get back to you once I'm back from my long-awaited trip to the fridge.". The hubs and I do the same. Even if its only logistically. Yup, there is a trust relationship to be established, because as detailed above, this question is frequently used with a threat of violence attached. I will probably just need some time to unwind, perhaps to watch the Winter Olympics with my cat.. But then she would ask me to babysit her toddler. The same old answers get boring, so you should try a little bit of humor at times because you might make someone laugh instead of feeling awkward. Is it OK to invite the usual people? Like oh youd rather do nothing at all than do this activity with me, wow., I wish I had better boundaries around that. The comment is sometimes a small talk, meant to affirm that we like seeing each other, and sometimes a prequel to an invitation. "See, I will finally make you smile.". Unless your friends are kind of jerks they wont interrogate you about your exact schedule. I wish that just once I had the wherewithal to respond to a manipulative invitation like LW describes with the classic Phoebe Buffet line: Oh, I wish I could, but I dont want to.. Things have a funny way of working out. I love days where I have no obligations and I can go where the wind takes me. So far, everyone Ive said this to has gotten the message that I want an obligation free day. I have never had it used against me as an ableist term, but I will use a different word in the future. Im white. Helen Huntingdon, I dont want you to think Ive dismissed all your argumentsyouve certainly given me pause and gotten me to think about what my expectations are. Then match the sentences with the correct picture. I dont think she feels disliked; theres really not a lot of conflict for us. Are you asking where are you from of every person you meet the first time, or only of those whose appearance/accent makes you suspect they are not from your locality? I have close friends that Ive been upfront with and say Im totally a hermit, but I do like to be invited to events and will make them sporadically. In ways that I doubt he even always notices. Mostly they arent great at invitations. It's nice that they want to know about your plans, but their curiosity can feel more like an interrogation. It feels invasive what I do on my weekends is my business. My father nearly died in my arms, and you cant meet me at the airport to show me you love me, because you dont like being told what to do? . Eventually I got consistent work as a freelancer, something I could do from home even when I was in pain or needed oxygen etc. have a Canadian accent that some USians pick up, and I dont mind if people ask if Im Canadian). Photo by Josh Rocklage on unsplash 02 "Not you, unfortunately." Happy Weekend Wishes, Messages and Quotes - WishesMsg So, it's important to read the situation and know how well the person asking you out will respond to a little joke. One morning when we were together he asked, So what are your plans for tonight? I said, Oh I dont know. and then if I do end up wanting to do whatever it is they want to do, suddenly my schedule cleared up! My friends do it alllll the time. And my mom thought I was like the most studious kid ever, because I knew that if I ever looked like I had free time, she would fill it with chores, so I always had some kind of project to work on (I did have the grades to back this up or it wouldnt have worked). Well see you at other times but this ones for us.. Yeah, I get that it is a soft invitation, but it also feels that the hard invitation has been tossed into my lap. How hard is it, whats the timing, is it just for me personally (thats a favor), or is it for the greater familyHER greater family? 2. Which I guess was appropriately scary for the season? Also, the teachers here will not do your homework for you. Do you like, like me? 76 Best Replies and Answers to How Are You Doing? - Trending Us How To Answer "What Do You Do For Fun?" (With Examples) In fact this letter reminds me a lot of a lady I knew once who moved to the US from a different english-speaking country and took offense to people asking her where she was from when they heard her accent. Thursday is awful for me rushing all day invites the questioner to drop the topic, and Nothing, how about you invites the questioner to ask you to the fun thing. That way they know Im not just sitting around with nothing to do, so I havent just signed myself up for free babysitting or moving services. OK, you want to ASK if hell help you w/ your home maintenance, fine, but these are not HIS chores anymore. Yeah if I like the person and might be into it I usually friend-flirt with a depends on why!. Why is receiving an invite considered such a stressor and its ok not to get back to the person. This is about the blandest, most banal small talk question I can think of.). In fact, you probably have all of these thoughts when a guy asks, "What are you doing this weekend?". I read that post all the time. It's funny I don't even register the question "How are you?" (I've lived equal times on the West and East coasts of the US), but I see a couple of UK commenters upthread and when I lived there I never, ever got used to "You alright?" which, functionally, isn't that different. If you cant imagine feeling the same way as the LW, that doesnt make the LWs feelings bad or less-than. It doesnt sound like a lot of fun to me, though. 15 Customer Service Email Response Samples for Any Situation No more Did I say sunday I meant saturday, now you have to change all your weekend plans ever again. Its great! Are you willing? or, if Im feeling that Im entitled to demand it, Ill say, are you available? (example: Im not going to react well if you want to play Minecraft instead of helping me wrap the favors for grandpas birthday dinner; if youre getting together with friends, online or IRL, or doing homework, OK). Or is it more like she doesnt get involved into such decisions but you expect her to follow through and water your radishes? They know this. Helen Huntingdon mentioned interruptingI just want to say, thats a helluva an assumption. That wasnt an assumption it came directly from what you posted about deciding to take her leisure time. Not every parent who expects stuff from their kid is unreasonable. Yes, this. For all that the Your X is Valid thing is trending nowadays, you still need to be able to have basic conversations with people, which includes stuff like this. I use this regularly, as does most of my social group. Its just one of the normal options. Sounds like hes a robot instructed to find out a fun thing the customer is doing later. (Like just because I have no plans, I must do the Thing she wants to do. So I got in the habit of saying, I have no plans and thats just the way I like it. After decades of various sorts of problem behavior from my father, I literally hit a brick wall of having had enough, and weve been done ever since. Its a little involved because Mittens needs daily collagen injections and also shes doing primal scream therapy. I might be up for casual after work hangs but not going clubbing in that sketchy bar across town. It leaves me an opening to decline politely once everything has been said. If a stranger or acquaintance says, How are you? its mostly just meant as a greeting, and you greet them back by saying, Im good, thanks or Doing alright or Oh fine, and you? Just some standard vague but positive-sounding reply. It took a LOOOOONNNNGGG time to train them out of, What are you doing this weekend? Man, that sounds great, but I know Im forgetting something on my calendar. Sometimes its totally innocuous, as LW said. As far as I can tell both we should hang out sometime/lets have lunch and yeah, we should can translate to you are a nice person I have run into on the street or to I want to see you, lets make plans.. Which is why weve all learned to use our words, though it takes some learning and there are still occasional misunderstandings. Just looking for my phonehave you seen it? I like the fact that at my workplace, anything of that sort gets a polite reminder to all that US citizens come in accents of infinite variety, and its rude to imply that people arent from here in the same way that others are over something like an accent. I actually have an answer for this one. I want to ask you to help me with a project tonight. - Ogden Nash - Old timers, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. What are the usual scripts? With friends and family you can be more honest if you like, but you dont have to. This is a whole lot easier to get if you see someone do it, but here goes: First of all, your manner while doing this will be constant big beaming smiles of absolute certainty, with big cheery extrovert gestures and rather loud but happy and beamingly-positive voice mannerisms. The Im entitled to your assistance is the MINOR part of this.). Hi / hello + [thing I want to talk about] can almost seem too abrupt in that context, particularly among peers. I used to get caught by this question. 'Hope You're Well': Emailing Through a Time of Pandemic Thats a little heavy-handed to apply to someone from one letter. 101 Funny And Witty Responses To The Question "How Are You?" Not least of which, I never felt obligated to pick up on any of his hints ever again. Yes! It is trickery and so frustrating. We need to have lunch soon. Okay, then invite me, and dont hint for an invitation. Thankfully, the discomfort is mostly on my end at this point.
2022-07-08T15:03:45+08:007月 8, 2022|