what to say when someone says you're overthinking

Pack everything when going on a trip. Remind them that theyre safe (if they are, that is) and suggest a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. Here are a few ways to stop overthinking. This text is comforting in two ways. 'Show more' : 'Show less' }}. Its easy for anyone to get caught up in overthinking. Shed also overanalyze what people said to her, always questioning whether a negative intention was meant. Let your friend or loved one know that he or she is still in your thoughts even after a few weeks or months have passed. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? It often dreams up the very worst outcomes for any given scenario and this tends to intensify the problem of overthinking. 7. Difficulty falling asleep may contribute to more worrisome thoughts. If he is interested in you, he will call. Over the years, he has served as a department chair, adjunct professor, assistant professor, speaker and trainer. Pratty says one of the most effective ways of combating anxiety is to practice mindfulness. On top of it, I struggle with OCD, too.". If any amount of time is spent actually learning from previous behavior and coming up with creative solutions, then it is productive. Pack everything when going on a trip. "Someone who is experiencing anxiety may feel overwhelmed, worried, stressed, fearful, isolated, insecure, and even agitated or irritable," Myers says. The offers that appear in this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind receives compensation. 2. It increases your chances of mental illness. "Overthinking is more intense and a common occurrence.". Please see our, {{ tocState.toggleTocShowMore ? They can help you develop the mental tools and coping skills you need to prevent overthinking. Overthinking may be a symptom of a mental health issue, like depression or anxiety. You dont have to take every alarming thought that pops into your head as truth. This looks different for everyone, but ideas. If nothing. A mental health professional may teach you skills that will help you stop obsessing, ruminating, and dwelling on things that arent helpful. When youre overthinking you might feel like your brain wont shut off. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America. And, your brain might even develop a solution for you when you stop thinking about the problem. On top of it, I struggle with OCD, too. Fanyy F. I jump to conclusions. The truth is that everyone overthinks things from time to time. So eventually I end upwith so much anxiety, I dont seek the help. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications. When it comes to thinking about a problem, balance is the key Smith-Acua, says. Im wondering if people at work like me or if they like the work I do. Dr. Rufus Tony Spann is a nationally certified school psychologist, licensed professional counselor, yoga teacher and reiki master. According to evolutionary psychologists, the function of overthinking is to trigger depression. I overthink about almost everything. I get lost in thoughts, stress out if theyre bad or too much, and then end up with headaches, which are also complained about. Raven A. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. The Forbes Health editorial team is independent and objective. With just a little effort, you can adjust your thinking and take steps to replace overthinking with more productive self-reflection and problem-solving. Calamari, J. E., Riemann, B. C., & Heffelfinger, S. K. 2003. Ot even that I will forget to lock the door and someone will break in while Im gone. Armandina L. Not responding right away when I am asked a question. Robin W. Taking a long time to answer, because Im mulling everything over too much. I overthink about almost everything. (Hint: seeking reassurance only makes the urge worse long-term, so resist when you can!) She's also a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and international bestselling author. When feeling upset, do you often focus on what you are thinking? David Susman, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist with experience providing treatment to individuals with mental illness and substance use concerns. It is helpful to skew the quality and quantity of negative thoughts to a more balanced harmony with good memories, Romanoff says. I promised someone two weeks ago I would seek help, but Ive been putting it off again. You can essentially "shock" your senses by taking the power away from one area of your body and giving it to another. When we pay too much attention to such thoughts, overanalyze their meaning, and try too hard to control them, we can slip into unhealthy forms of thought, like worry, rumination, obsession, and the like. So, the best way to curb overthinking is. Spending time on these thoughts can lead to significant personal distress. Consider alternative scenarios. Follow 7clouds on Spotify : http://bit.ly/7CLOUDS Mickey Valen & Mothica - Overthinking (Lyrics) Download / Stream: https://cloudkid.lnk.to/overthinkin. Try not to judge it, and don't put pressure on yourself to repress it. But thats usually not the case. If youre not an overthinker, it can be hard to understand why seemingly simple things are just so hard for some people. Youre not listening, responses like that. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. | It can also lead to relationship anxiety, and behaviors like constantly needing reassurance or attempting to control other people. Overthinking makes it harder to fall asleep. You can even offer to do it with them, as a sign of moral support. Youre not listening, responses like that. You tell yourself the problem must be some aspect of you, like you're too fussy or. I use it to think about the possible upcoming situations that can happen in my planned day. Mara Santilli is a freelance writer and editor who covers women's health, wellness trends and topics related to health equity. To the best of our knowledge, all content is accurate as of the date posted, though offers contained herein may no longer be available. Instead of going over something in your mind again and again, you can start to take the steps necessary to resolve the situation. Nolen-Hoeksema S, Wisco BE, Lyubomirsky S. With just a little effort, you can adjust your thinking and take steps to. If they noticed I just give a, Sorry I spaced, you were saying..? And hope they keep going without asking questions. Jennifer K. I become more distant thanI usually am, stare off into space, draw blanks, stutter when someone asks me something, etc. When someone doesnt give me a time, I panic. Sometimes worry and rumination may trick the brain into associating itself with something beneficial or productive, explains Natalie Dattilo, Ph.D, a clinical health psychologist in Boston and professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. This type of overthinking involves thinking things are worse than they are. If this behavior troubles YOU, then you may wish to see a therapist. "I noticed some marks on your arm, and I'm worried because I care about you. If youre someone who overthinks, and its impacting your life in a negative way, there are things you can do that help. Maybe you keep thinking about all the things that could go wrong when you give your presentation next week, or youve wasted countless hours trying to decide what to wear to your upcoming job interview. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding, How a Stronger Body Can Transform Your Identity, Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. Overthinking can also take a serious toll on relationships. Deciding in a split-second makes me uncomfortable, especially because during the time Im forced to choose quickly, I spend the time after my decision mulling over what could have happened instead and how I would have been happier with that other choice. Remember that." Mourning takes time. I mean youre ordering lunch, not negotiating a terrorist hostage situation! As you meditate, work on focusing on your breath. Also, because anxiety is so tiring and overwhelming, keep in mind that your partner, family member, or friend might not text back right away. I will not let my imagination plant improbable futures into my mind. Help them come up with a plan they can turn to in their most anxious moments. Many people have concluded that overthinking is part of their personality; theyve not realized that strategies are available to counter this anxiety-inducing habit. And if I am even one minute late, I get upset and panic and feel like I failed. , Over-explaining myself. If you are overthinking important issues in your life, you can get stuck in indecision, avoidance, and procrastination. I need a bottle of water." But when I think too much, it's not enough to just say "I'm overthinking." Avoid exploding emotionally, and instead give yourself time enough to calm your immediate feelings. On the flip side, it may also increase your susceptibility to developing mental health problems. Overthinking sometimes involves beating yourself up for the decisions you already made. You might try to convince yourself that thinking longer and harder helps you. Don't run away from that fact. Stop overthinking. The more you think about a problem, the worse you feel. Then say this. experienced journalists and medical experts, Works to support healthy DNA, genes and telomeres which are related to youthful cell function, Added ingredient 2-HOBA supports DNA and cellular component from effects of free radicals, Formulated with powerful antioxidants to promote a healthy immune response, Learn the life-changing skill of meditation, Exclusive music to help you focus and relax, Receive support by practicing mindfulness and being present, Audio programs taught by world-renowned mindfulness experts, Added benefit of video lessons on mindful movement and gentle stretching. I spend so much time either dwelling on past events or worrying about the future that I often miss whats going on in the present. So another way to validate their feelings is by acknowledging how stressful and taxing anxiety can be. Whether your tendency of overthinking takes you into the past or focuses on the future, there are positive ways to reframe your thoughts and stress less. Karly & Deb Found A Simple Way Of Making Long Distance Work, Caroline & Nat First Met At A House Party Over A Decade Ago, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. Self-help strategies like distracting yourself and challenging your thoughts can help. The problem with overthinking. You've been poisoned. I use it to think about the possible upcoming situations that can happen in my planned day. Being withdrawn and quiet, getting so caught up in making sure I heard them right and making sure I dont say anything foolish that I barely say anything or include myself in social situations unless its close family (not extended, even). Rach M. Get really quiet because I dont want to say anything wrong. Destiny V. Questioning if someone is mad at me over and over. So, when left to its own devices, the brain will overthink, says Dattilo. If you're an overthinker, you're perceived less favorably than others. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Our editorial content is based on thorough research and guidance from the, Partner Offers feature brands who paid Forbes Health to appear at the top of our list. 2. The psalmists give us excellent examples of this. To find out what others dont realize people are doing because theyre overthinking, we consulted with the wonderful overthinkers in our mental health community. The easiest way to practice it is to focus on something completely mundane and routine, such as washing dishes or folding laundry. I'm wondering if people at work like me or if they like the work I do. In case you don't know where you fall on this spectrum (complete denial or ready to accept your borderline stalker behavior), here are five signs you're overthinking it with a girl: 1. When you overthink, you have a hard time getting your mind to focus on anything else. That just madethe overthinking worse. , Asking my husband 100 times a day if hes really happy with me even though he tells me 101 times a day that he is very happy with me. , I get distant like Im not fully there. Because your mind is always telling you different stories every minute. Everything. Opting for psychotherapy to work on yourself and your relationship is a good strategy. When you overthink your relationship, you tend to create a problem where there isn't one. And the worse you feel, the harder it is to take positive action because emotions can cloud your judgment. My brain is going over 30 possibilities for one thing. Dr. Spann owns private practice You in Mind Psychotherapy and Consultation, which focuses on providing culturally responsive therapy, and he assists many therapists of color in receiving their independent licenses. I have plans for literally everything that I do and for every decision that I make. They may also help you identify coping strategies that work for you, such as mindfulness or physical exercise. This is often confused with "toxic positivity," which asks people to think positively no matter how . "This is an . Admitting she was hesitant about how . "Someone who constantly overthinks is different from someone who occasionally worries about a particular situation," says Rubenstein. Regaining mental health and wellbeing is attainable with the appropriate methods. Be sure to consider what you say before saying it - sometimes a little slip of the tongue can set her brain to work trying to decipher what you meant and the importance of it in the larger context of your relationship. Or away from the house for a few hours. Kristy G. I have to know times and dates for things months in advance. Kaiser BN, Haroz EE, Kohrt BA, Bolton PA, Bass JK, Hinton DE. Overthinking, however, is thinking about everything you dont have control over, and then dwelling on how bad you feel about it. Talking in too much detail and then feeling embarrassed about how long Ive been talking for. Hannah B. The compensation we receive from advertisers does not influence the recommendations or advice our editorial team provides in our articles or otherwise impact any of the editorial content on Forbes Health. 11 Anger Management Strategies to Help You Calm Down, Daily Tips for a Healthy Mind to Your Inbox, "Thinking too much": A systematic review of a common idiom of distress, Rumination as a mechanism linking stressful life events to symptoms of depression and anxiety: longitudinal evidence in early adolescents and adults, Ruminationrelationship with negative mood and sleep quality, Unconscious-Thought Effects Take Place Off-Line, Not On-Line, Cognitive distortions, humor styles, and depression, Improving interpersonal skills to overcome the negative effects of overthinking in the disruption era, Testing the differential effects of acceptance and attention-based psychological interventions on intrusive thoughts and worry, Beliefs about self-compassion: Implications for coping and self-improvement, An inability to think about anything else, Fixating on things outside of your control, Replaying a situation or experience in your mind, Cultivating a strong support system made up of people who can provide encouragement and love. 2010;21(4):484-488. doi:10.1177/0956797610363555, Rnic K, Dozois DJ, Martin RA. Problem-solving involves thinking about a solution. It's saying that you can't change the outcome of your past decisions, so you shouldn't waste your time or break your heart by thinking of all the things you could've done differently. "I know you loved [Name] very much. Please Help Me: What to Do When You Need Help, How to Stop Overthinking With Bestselling Author Jon Acuff. What to Say When Someone Dies That You Don't Know. It can also play a role in mental health issues like anxiety and depression, so it is important to find ways to break out of such destructive thought patterns. J Abnorm Psychol. Im wondering if Im doing the best. For example, when you dont fall asleep right away, you might imagine that youll be overtired the following day. It appears you entered an invalid email. The Anxious Thoughts Workbook: Skills to Overcome the Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts that Drive Anxiety, Obsessions & Depression. When someone says something or acts in a way I don't like, I dwell on it. "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. When he texts you something simple, like "hi" or "yo" What you tell yourself:. Deciding in a split-second makes me uncomfortable, especially because during the time Im forced to choose quickly, I spend the time after my decision mulling over what could have happened instead and how I would have been happier with that other choice. Having self-awareness is key to changing your mindset. "I remember you speaking so fondly of [Name]. Your health and wellness is unique to you, and the products and services we review may not be right for your circumstances. Just be sure that you are never accusatory (use the old "I" statements) and always compassionate, as your goal is to get them to open up, not shut down. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life" (NLT). Here are suggestions for what to say: 1. Just be sure to choose words that validate what theyre experiencing while avoiding accidental brush-off statements, like you need to calm down or everythings going to be fine. Although well-meaning, these kinds of texts can send the message that the person with anxiety just needs to stop worrying or get over it, Potter says, which can add to their feelings of isolation and disconnection.. 5. You can also practice mindfulness in a more traditional sense, with grounding body scans. Research confirms what you likely already knowrumination interferes with sleep. You Seek Perfection in Everything You Do. If you can relate, dont forget to have compassion for yourself, and know even if youre still working on it, youre not alone. But at a certain point, you need to leave well enough alone. Your need for reassurance is not something to be taken lightly but people do not understand that and instead, start to push you away. Because your mind is always telling you different stories every minute. Both of his hands didn't get broken while saving his grandmother from a burning casino and he has no way of communicating with you. The opinions expressed are the authors alone and have not been provided, approved or otherwise endorsed by our advertisers. 1 - Focus on what's good When you're tempted to overthink and expect bad things, instead, turn your thoughts to what is right. Overthinking is the biggest cause of unhappiness. 20. Post-Its on my fridge with the same information that is written on my wall calendar and desk calendar. , Take notes and write everything down. Second, we also include links to advertisers offers in some of our articles; these affiliate links may generate income for our site when you click on them. She sought treatment for anxiety, but within a short period of time, it was clear that she was caught in a self-defeating mental trap. Post-Its on my fridge with the same information that is written on my wall calendar and desk calendar. Lauren D. Take notes and write everything down. I focus too much on the details. Just be sure to honor your own boundaries. While this may influence where their products or services appear on our site, it in no way affects our ratings, which are based on thorough research, solid methodologies and expert advice. One way to avoid overthinking a subject is to incorporate Scripture and prayer into one's thoughts. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere. A lot. Commissions we earn from partner links on this page do not affect our opinions or evaluations. Lists. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Are you sensing they could use a few words of encouragement? It wont fix their anxiety, but it might soothe them during the worst of it, relationship therapist Sarah Hubbell, MAS-MFT, LAMFT, tells Bustle. You might find out they could use some company, that they want to talk on the phone, or that they need a little space. Here are nine scriptures to encourage you and help you stop overthinking today: Psalm 139:23-24. Validation is a critical communication tool and expression of love and acceptance in relationships. You might send some of these text messages immediately after learning about a loss. Too much thinking about thinking? It takes a lot of prodding from friends and family to finally go. 2015;112(28):8567-8572. . In doing so, you will reclaim your brainpower, energy, and time. Often, overthinking can occur when you have a lot of spare time on your hands. Its hard to recognize when right in the middle of it, however. I spend so much time trying to calculate all the pros and cons of any decision. 8 Words or Phrases to Avoid When You're Trying to Project Confidence. And if you know it will give you more of a clear conscience and unburdened heart, it's worth it. You can now share your poetry (or poetry you love) by using the hashtag #MightyPoets, Former Mighty editor // Current MSW student // In love with helping people tell their stories. The goal is to remind them of their own resilience and strength. This one serves as a gentle reminder that, even though it never feels like it in the moment, anxious feelings do eventually fade. Strategies that may help you become more self-accepting include: If you cant break free from overthinking, consider getting professional help. Overthinking is a prominent characteristic of worry, rumination, and obsessive thinking. I often ask myself "what if" questions. I need to eat less." When I work too much, I can say, "I'm getting burned out. This type of overthinking involves only seeing situations in black or white. 4. In my therapy office, it is one of the most common things I deal with. Overanalyzing peoples facial expressions and body language, feeling that my conversation is boring them. Donna S. Analyzing their every little facial micro-expression, let alone any minute change in their vocal inflection. Ursula A. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 17(2): 181-195. And when we overanalyze negative, intrusive thoughts, we can end up anxious, depressed, frustrated, and guilt-ridden. | It takes a lot of prodding from friends and family to finally go. Ill think, Oh god, did I do this right? Stella B. I may be overthinking, but I don't like to laugh or lol because I feel like it would be making a joke out of, and therefore invalidating, the appreciation they're trying to express. Ill think so much about what could go wrong and irrationally put evidence with my line of thinking I dont realize I do it and I dont mean to. Kara R. Write to do lists in great detail, over and over again to make sure I have everything written down. Carolyn A. When people are "too much in their head," this signifies over-engagement with unwanted thoughts. Like I always get the same meal at a restaurant because experience has taught me I dont regret that choice. AnaLucia P. I end up canceling plans, whether its plans with someone or plans I made for myself only, because I keep thinking something horrible is going to happen, or that the people I was supposed to hang out with hate me and just made plans with me out of pity. I have notebooks and notes everywhere for everything. , we consulted with the wonderful overthinkers. Other ways to connect with your body include moving to music or hitting the gym. Im afraid Ill forget something that I may need to know. I think it comes across as an interrogation, or that I am questioning the person as an individual rather than just asking questions in general. Overthinking steps outside of the realm of "normalcy" when the negative and intrusive thoughts become so loud, disruptive, and upsetting that they interfere with your ability to perform everyday . Then I feel both relieved and unhappy, because Im stuck with the medical problem, but I avoided what I was anxious about. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? Positive reframing. By her own admission, Jessica was stuck in her head.. You can, however, validate their feelings, Mack says, while also offering supportive and more reality-based messages of hope and well-being.. This form of overthinking happens when you base a rule or expectation for the future on a single or random event from the past. Then, for another . Analysis paralysis is real. Allow yourself as much time as you need to healthfully work through tears or feelings of anger. You need to learn to leave the things you do or say in the past. No call means he is not thinking about you. There are people around you who will show you love if you give them the chance and even though it may not seem like that all the time somebody loves you. Own your overthinking. It's tempting because it feels like you're doing something but you risk getting stuck in a loop of negative thoughts and anxiety, she says. Signs of overthinking include: An inability to think about anything else Being unable to relax Constantly feeling worried or anxious Fixating on things outside of your control Feeling mentally exhausted Having a lot of negative thoughts Replaying a situation or experience in your mind Second-guessing your decisions It might help alleviate embarrassment or worse the notion that youre trying to cure them. 1. Opinions expressed by Forbes Contributors are their own. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This text will remind them youre available to listen judgment-free, Donna T. Novak, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist, tells Bustle, as well as that its OK to feel anxious, especially when tough things are happening outside their control. I did not forget the answer, my overthinking is telling me the answer has changed. , I ask a lot of questions. The goal is not to clear your mind, but rather to focus it on something and practice redirecting your focus whenever your thoughts wander. Dr. Katie Davis, a clinical neuropsychologist, told Business Insider that creativity is a definitive sign of intelligence because it requires thinking flexibly/outside the box . Remember, you control your thoughts. Taking time to breathe out through the mouth is a helpful way to slow down one's central nervous system, Michelle Pargman, LMHC, a licensed mental health counselor, tells Bustle. This is an example of empowering with empathy, Potter says. Rather than sit and think about a problem for endless amounts of time, you can distract yourself for a bit. Some disorders that are associated with overthinking include: Overthinking can have a bidirectional relationship with mental health issues. I dont like to make decisions without seriously thinking it over. She may over-analyze what you do, so be careful how you act. Have you ever felt overwhelmed by your thoughts? And then plan for all the alternatives. While some people believe that overthinking may be helpful since it involves looking at an issue or problem from nearly every viewpoint possible and anticipating future events, the opposite is true. Simply send along a link to the meditation and share how relaxing it was. Whether they have ongoing anxiety or are experiencing a rough patch in life, this person might worry that their emotions are a burden, Potter says, or that theyre pushing you away by being annoying or needy. The amount of time you spend in deep thought doesnt really matter, though. While overthinking is a challenging issue to deal with, the Bible offers powerful ways you can fight off overthinking and experience peace of mind. Or, you could always jot down a to-do list. 7. Here are 10 warning signs that youre overthinking: Its easy for anyone to get caught up in overthinking. Close your eyes and try to feel your heartbeat from the inside, clasp your hands and squeeze them tight or put both feet on the floor and try to feel each point of contact, she says. Overthinking involves thinking about a certain topic or situation excessively, analyzing it for long periods of time. Aiming thus at something else, they find happiness by the way. It is also purposeful. Obsessing about every little thing other people do and say can also mean that you misunderstand what they are trying to convey. The opposite approach is to disengage from the thought. To avoid toxic positivity, Ly says, avoid phrases like Just think about positive things! or You need to get out of your head! Instead, simply agree that anxiety sucks.